Thursday, December 29, 2011

Someone should have warned us

NEWS FLASH: Adulthood is hard.

I remember when I was a kid--all kinds of rules, someone always bossing me around, watching my little sister all the time while my parents worked, grounded again, not allowed to go out on a Friday night, no cable on our TV, limited to ten minutes phone calls with my friends since we didn't have call waiting, forced to do chores like the laundry and dishes, refused stylish new shoes because they cost as much as my mom made in a day.

I couldn't wait to be an adult. Making my own decision. Spending my money however I want. Going out with whoever I want. Talking on the phone as much as I want. Staying out as late as I want. Sitting on my couch eating chips whenever I want.

Yeah, right. That's not what being an adult is like. That's what college is like. Maybe. If you're lucky. I was really lucky, and I didn't have to worry too much about bills or other responsibilities as a college student, got to do mostly what I wanted to all the time as long as I went to class and got good grades. Even a part-time job didn't infringe too much on the whole doing-whatever-I-want thing.

But we all know that's not real adulthood. College is just a tease. It's a lot of fun, but it only lasts four short years. Well, more like six and a half short years if you are my husband, but I digress.

Lately adulthood has been smacking me around more than usual, and I don't like it one bit. Nothing major really. Sometimes my list of things to do just seems insurmountable. Positively endless. With no time for any fun. Who doesn't feel like that? The house, the kids, the business, the family (as in parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.), an empty rental house that needs work, insurance claims to follow up on, unexpected bills to manage, time for hair appointment, nail appointment, and dress shopping to make this middle-aged body appear party-ready, a holiday dinner for my hubby's office, cookie baking, adopt-a-family gift buying/wrapping/delivering, preschool craft projects, field trips, Christmas shopping, holiday parties, crafting homemade Christmas gifts, wrapping, parties. I got overwhelmed. Which is probably much more a result of who I am than anything out there in the world because I know it's like that for all of us. Like I said, who doesn't have all of that plus a job and their own craziness?

Nonetheless, it's put me in a funk, and since I like to appear to the world as a confident, capable, I've-got-this-all-under-control kind of woman, I tend to keep to myself a bit more when I'm feeling like that. It's also why I haven't so much been writing lately. I'm still writing in my head, but when I start to put it down in print it sounds all whiny and bitchy and petty to me so I delete it. So, if I sound whiny and bitchy and petty and you don't like that, you might want to come back in a week or so. I hope to be over it by then. But I am also hoping that if I write it out, I can kick off the funk and be back to my usual perky (yeah, go ahead--laugh; I can't hear you anyway) self.

My mind is much the same as my to do list--rambling on and on--but I'm going to stop there for now. Despite the craziness that is my life, I have so so so much to be thankful for. And I'll take my crazy life over someone else's any day. That's not to say this is the end of the "adulthood sucks" theme. More soon. Promise.