Our First Day of School

It is an exciting time at our house. Tomorrow is the first day of school. We didn't go to bed early. We didn't set an alarm. We didn't lay out outfits with new jeans or tennis shoes. We didn't fill backpacks with new pencils, notebooks, glue sticks and crayons. We didn't pack lunch boxes with peanut butter sandwiches and Cheetos. Tomorrow we start our first day of home school.

My excitement is mixed with so many other emotions. Worry—will I be able to do this? Manage three kids, be home with them all day, stay organized enough, not loose my mind? Sadness—missing the regular and easy contact with our school friends (mine too), including the amazing teachers our kids had, who I became friends with. Relief—no testing anxiety to manage, no bullying to worry about, no calls to teachers and principals asking why the heck my kid is crying over whatever craziness happened at school that day.

I have no doubt the kids are having some mixed emotions too, but I am so grateful that they all three said, "I can't wait for school to start tomorrow, Mom." Not one single sigh when I laid out before them my plan for the week. Not a hint of whine in a single voice when I reminded there would be no Minecraft from 8 to 3. I know I'm the adult, but either by instinct or by chance, they seem to be letting me take it easy on this one. And however it's happening, I am grateful. 

Vacation Packing

We are going on our second ever family trip to the beach this year. Together with another family, we have rented a beach house so the packing part is a little different than packing for a hotel stay. And by different I mean more complicated. Vastly. At least for the organizationally impaired like me.

So while I've been making lists of things to pack, things to cook, things to ask the other mom, things to purchase, things to remember....I decided it would be a good idea to make individual packing lists for each kid so that he or she can A) pack their own *@&^#$ stuff and B) learn to pack effectively for themselves, a skill my husband seems to have bypassed entirely in his upbringing. No offense to my dear mother-in-law, but it is impossible for my husband to travel for work or pleasure to any location without a nearby Walmart, or he will undoubtedly end up hungry, unshaven, unwashed, unkempt, and commando within 24 hours of his arrival.

For the clothes, I plan to have the kids put each of their complete outfits in a gallon size ziplock bag. This will hopefully help them get dressed each morning without wails of, "Moooooooom, I can't find my underwear!!!!!" Hopefully, it will also mean that we have agreed ahead of time on their fashion choices and will avoid at least one potential conflict during our trip. (Not that I usually care if my daughter wears her yellow striped dress with floral turquoise leggings and an orange sweater.)

Of course, I will need to supervise and double-check their efforts, but I am hoping the skills they will learn and the slightly lightened to-do list for myself will make it worthwhile nonetheless. One small note: while some may find it unnecessary, being the mom of a girl who loves shoes and clothes as much as her mama, I created gender specific lists. I'm sure the need for this is something my husband would like to point out as a shortcoming of my upbringing, but this is my blog so too bad. Besides, I'm pretty sure my mom scares him. Hee hee.....

Oh wait, one MORE thing: these lists are for a one week vacation at a house where we can do laundry as necessary. I tried to balance taking as little stuff as we could get away with along with my desire to do as little work as possible, seeing as it's my vacation and all. I included enough clothes to get through most of the week, expecting to do a couple of loads of laundry before heading home again.

Boys' Beach Packing List

_____Casual shorts, t-shirt, underwear

_____Casual shorts, t-shirt, underwear

_____Casual shorts, t-shirt, underwear

_____Casual shorts, t-shirt, underwear

_____Nice shorts, polo or nice t-shirt, underwear

_____Nice shorts, polo, underwear

_____T-shirt (2 extras)

_____Socks (2 pair)

_____Pajamas (shorts--2 pair)

_____Hoodie

_____Swimming trunks (2-3 pair)

_____Swimming shirt (only if you want one)

_____Your beach towel

_____Flip flops

_____Tennis shoes

_____Beach shoes

_____Toothbrush

_____One small stuffed animal

_____Journal and pencil

_____Books to read (4-5)

_____Sunglasses

_____Hat and/or sun visor

Girl's Beach Packing List

_____Shorts/skort, shirt and underwear

_____Shorts/skort, shirt and underwear

_____Shorts, shirt and underwear

_____Shorts, shirt and underwear

_____Capris, shirt and underwear

_____Casual dress and underwear

_____Casual dress and underwear

_____Nicer dress (like for dinner at a restaurant) and underwear

_____Swimming suits (2-3)

_____Cover-up (2)

_____Socks (2 pair)

_____Pajamas or nightgown (2)

_____Hoodie

_____Flip flops

_____Tennis shoes

_____Beach shoes

_____Beach towel

_____Brush and comb

_____Toothbrush

_____Headbands (2-3)

_____Ponytail holders (10-12)

_____Journal, pencils and crayons

_____One small stuffed animal

_____Books (4-5)

_____Sunglasses

_____Hat and/or sun visor

Any glaring omissions? Horribly overpacking? (So says my husband--HA!) Setting my sights way too high? I really think the nine and almost-seven year olds can handle most of this after I show them what I expect. I am fully aware that most of the packing for the five year old will involve her pointing to what she likes and me putting what she really needs into the bag. Oh well. You gotta start somewhere.

Pot Roast Success

I consider myself a pretty good cook. I'm no gourmet, but my husband has mostly liked everything I've ever made except that one horrible Buffalo chicken sandwich experiment in 2001. No recipe intimidates me, and no ingredient scares me off. But....I've never been so good at pot roast. I've been told over and over how simple it is, but it never turns out as tender or flavorful as I want. Until now.

I have seen several versions of the Three Envelope Pot Roast on Pinterest and intended to try it out. Yet, did I take the recipe or a list of ingredients to the grocery store with me? NO, of course not. So, I am standing in the spice isle trying to figure out which three packets of seasoning I'm supposed to use for the Three Envelope Pot Roast, and I'm getting nowhere. Due to my aging and overwhelmed brain, the best I could do was a brown gravy mix and au jus mix. I knew there was a third, but looking at my options, none of them made sense.

Arriving home, I discovered several different versions. Some using au jus. Some using brown gravy. Several using other things I had not brought home from the grocery. So, I decided to use what I had. I put it all in my slow cooker, turned it to low for about 9 hours and hoped for the best.

It turned out the most tender, flavorful, delicious pot roast I have every had. Not just made, but HAD. And I'm going to share it with you. I'm nice like that.

I ended up serving it on Hawaiian rolls with a slice of provolone cheese and a little squirt of horseradish. HOLY YUM. It would be equally as good next to a pile of real homemade mashed potatoes. Or some lovely egg noodles.

My Favorite Pot Roast

1 large onion (a sweet one is nice, but whatever you have)
1 chuck roast (3-4 lbs)
1 packet of au jus mix
1 packet of brown gravy mix
1/2 cup water
1/2 cup salsa or picante sauce
1 cup Italian dressing

Chop onion and place in bottom of slow cooker. Place roast on top of onions. Mix remaining ingredients in a bowl until seasonings are combined and pour over roast. Cook on low for 8-10 hours. When you shove a fork in it and twist, it should fall apart. If it doesn't, cook a while longer.

Taste. And die of bliss. I warned you.

Getting Ready for Summer Weekend

I am still in my pajamas. At 10 AM on a Saturday. It feels delightful and odd all at once. The last ten  weeks worth of Saturday mornings have been filled with early risings, frantic searches for shin pads and soccer jerseys, and sitting in alternately sweltering and swampy fields watching children chase a ball back and forth.

We had strawberry pie for breakfast. Additionally, there are 21 jars of jam and mounds of sliced berries awaiting the top of waffles or shortcake in the freezer, made from the 34 pounds of berries we picked over the last week.

My sweet children, who would normally be absorbed in mind-rotting Saturday morning TV, are upstairs playing school together (in other words, reading to each other) so they can earn points for our library's summer reading program. They have declared it a no-screen weekend so that they can get a jump on everyone else who is hoping to win the grand prize iPad.

My vegetables are glistening in the morning sun, drenched from yesterday's rain, soaking up the rays so fast I feel like if I just hold still enough I can see them growing. The middle child and I picked and shelled the spring peas earlier this week, and broccoli is ready to harvest.

Yes, summer is upon us. There are three more slow but bittersweet days of school left for the kids. Slow because the real work of the year has been done for over a week now. Sad and sweet because next year the schools are changing, and they won't be in the same building together. Plus, a whole new group of students will be joining them both making all of us anxious. But that's another story.

While the kids have declared a no-screen weekend, I am declaring it Get Ready for Summer Weekend. I am doing some cleaning--as if it will last past bedtime on Sunday. I am doing some cooking. Some things to prepare now and tuck away in the freezer so I won't be forced to drag myself out of the pool and into the kitchen to worry about dinner every afternoon. I am getting the kids summer supplies ready. (More on that later.) We are all going to sit down together and make a list of the things we must do this summer.

With three kids and a mama, if everyone comes up with two or three things they really want to do this summer, we will have plenty to keep us busy until fall. The kids usually pick one thing that I just can't accommodate at the moment, like "I want to go Australia."  Um yeah, you and me both, kiddo. But generally, their picks are a lot more simple than I expect. Things that are not expensive or difficult to do but I wouldn't have thought of because I was planning something much more extravagant.

My crazy, over-the-top mama mind says, "Plan a virtual trip to a different country each week, cook foods from that country, and get a book on the country from the library to read each day." Their youthful wisdom says, "Make popsicles and invite our friends over to have some with us. Then run around the yard chasing each other," or "Find some worms."

It reminds me how important it is to ask them. Our summer go so fast, our school year is so busy, that I want our short, precious time together to be memorable to them, to include the things that are important to them, to be relaxed and carefree like summer should be. And I am so much less stressed out about making it meaningful when I use their ideas instead of mine.

I love summer. 

Memories

It's strange how suddenly a crystal clear memory of a time you haven't thought of in months or years will suddenly come rushing back for no good reason.

Like the elderly man at the garage sale who gave my younger boy the money clip he had been admiring. I offered him a dollar for it, and of course he turned around and gave the dollar to Aiden so he would have something to put in his money clip.

His rough, nobby hands, his generosity, his unhurried way of talking to the children brought me right back to moments with my Grandpa pulling out his wallet to hand us a $20 dollar bill for our latest report card. That poor man at the garage sale probably wondered if it was safe to let those children go with the crazy lady who couldn't seem to stop crying over a dollar.

He's been gone 20 years, and yet there are plenty of moments when I can feel him around me, reminding me of the kind of person he expects me to be, encouraging me to be the mama he knows I can be, to nudge me in the direction I know I should be going.

Mommyhood Gratitude

Like everyone else, I have some days when I feel more competent at accomplishing all of the things I am responsible for and some days that I feel less competent. Usually, I feel pretty competent. Lately, I've had quite a few less-competent feeling days in a row. I was grousing (is that really a word? well, let's say for today that it is) to myself that I wish I could sit on the couch all day (who am I kidding? I meant all week), watch daytime TV and eat a whole bag of Devils Food Donettes.

But instead I have these three children who require food. And bathing. And car pools. And clean laundry. And picking up after. And permission slips signed. And on and on. But tonight, as I was brushing my teeth, scowling at myself in the mirror, and wondering where all those wrinkles came from, I had the thought that perhaps I am not burdened by the requirement to pull myself up off the couch and take care of my children. Instead, I am blessed by presence of a reason not to wallow in my self-doubt.

It doesn't really matter if I feel like it; these children need raised. And it's not going to wait until next week when I may or may not feel like opening another bag of donuts and plopping down in front of Rachel Ray and Dr. Oz.

There's only going to be one chance to give my goofy, grinning eight-year-old boy the Harry Potter birthday party of his dreams so I better get to crafting, shopping and cooking sooner rather than later. There's only going to be a few more months to have my darling four-year-old tell me about her preschool day in her baby-like lisp before she has grown out of it for good, so I better sit up and listen right now. There is only a small window when a sweet six-year-old boy will want to sit on my lap and read me a story with his newly discovered skills before reading starts to happen all in his head and before he outgrows my lap all together, so I best pay attention to it right now while I can.

Parenting is hard work and exhausting, but is there anything better? Is there anything more worth it? No, of course not. And even more, it is a reason to get moving and do what I know needs to be done. To be more than I want to be on some days. To be a better person than I think I am.

Marriage

Marriage is so weird sometimes. There are those couples that you look at and wonder, "How in the heck do they hold it together? They clearly don't like each other one bit." There are the other couples who seem perfectly content and shock the heck out of you when you hear they're splitting up. I've got some friends of both kinds. Being one of the couples that seemed perfectly happy and who then separated for a while, I know we caused some confusion, curiosity, questions, plenty murmurs of gossip. Probably some more of the same when our "trial separation" ended in a reconciliation, which according to our therapist never happens. (I asked him why they call it a "trail" then, and he said to make everyone feel better about not giving up too soon. How sad.)

So, I often wonder what it is that keeps those couples who I think should be teetering on the brink of divorce together, and what keeps those who suffer pain, or just indifference or frustration or loneliness, in secret from throwing in the matrimonial towel. Of course, there's the kids. Some of us have school age kids now, but a whole load of our friends are still on the exhausted, confused, never-ending, no light/only tunnel baby-toddler train. While you are amazed every single day that your heart can feel such love for these tiny beings that didn't even exist a couple years ago, you also wonder if you can really live your whole life like this--no sleep, no free time, no relaxing, no sex, no meaningful conversation, no intimacy with your spouse. Was that just me? Well, it might not have been you, but I know it wasn't just me. There's a whole bunch of us out there.

So, some of it is the kids. Some people stay together for the kids, to give them the image we have in our head of a family, but also because if parenting with a partner so hard, we wonder how could we possibly do it on our own. But it's not just the kids. Some stay together out of our fear of failing. How could I tell my friends and my parents and my children that I have failed at this most basic, most important role of adulthood? Some stay because the thought of being alone is even worse than the thought of being how we are even if that isn't very good. Some stay because two households are more expensive than one, not to mention lawyers and child support and such.

I think many of us stay simply out of commitment. And I don't just mean the vows we said--we promised to always stay together no matter what, and that's what we're going to do even if we're miserable doing it. No, that's not what I'm talking about. Commitment to me means making choices every day to love each other and move toward one another instead of away.

It's the way, when I am feeling completely unlovable and uninterested in talking, touching or being near anyone, my husband says the goofiest thing he can think of to make me smile anyway.

It's the way, when even that doesn't work, he takes the kids to another part of the house and plays a quiet game with them without making a big deal about the fact that he's doing me a favor.

It's the way I've learned to stop throwing a fit when he's two hours late because that's just how late he's going to be pretty much every time, and instead ask if he had a good time.

It's how he, even thought he sleeps later than me about 95% of the time, gets the coffee maker all ready before he goes to bed so it's one less thing I have to do while getting three kids ready for school in the morning.

It's making his favorite meal instead of the kids' favorites.

It's taking a few minutes away from chatting with the girls at a party to sit next to each other and hold hands.

It's stopping at the bar to see him and his buddies and hear about how they played in their "big game," when all I want to do is go home and curl up in bed with my book and fuzzy socks.

It's to sitting together to watch a movie (or browse the Internet on our laptops while sitting on the couch next to each other) instead of falling into bed like feel like doing while he watches it alone.

So, maybe that really is the commitment we made in those vows, and I'm just now figuring out what they really meant. They said, "for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, as long as we shall live." But it also means in crankiness and joy, in loneliness and connectedness, in youth and old age, when surrounded by chaos and amidst the calm. It means, not just fidelity, but choosing each other over the kids or friends or work or personal interests. It means choosing to move closer instead of away every chance we get.